They say mistakes make you tougher, stronger, more likely to succeed.

“You need a growth mindset!” Is what they all say.

But it’s truly impossible for me to grow from my mistakes, unless growing is hyper-fixation on my errors, self-doubt, and constant breakdowns.

Everyone just watches me crumble when I feel upset and start to suffer.

Nobody I know relates to the constant disapproval I feel after making a mistake.

It’s like everything else washes away after I make a bad choice.

So I would like to apologize to the people who I ever said something incredibly rude or wrong to, even though it has only happened at most five times.

Yet those five times make more of an impact than the hundreds of good things I have done.

I always am told how mature I am, but really, I can’t help it.

I’ve always been the top of everything, the pride and joy, the best.

I am smart, kind, and funny. I forget my positive traits often.

Just letting you know, if you ever make a bad comment, I will be remembering it for eternity.

That is because I care about who I am in your eyes because in mine, it’s all flaws.

I have good days too, when I get good grades and rewards and nobody says or does anything to harm me.

I love myself some days and despise myself on others.

It’s just how my head works.

I understand that I will never be “perfect”, I will never fit your norm, and that’s challenging.

But I know my mental health matters, so I try to assure myself that I am human; sometimes, mistakes are what make me human.