Darkness — everywhere I looked was emptiness. The only thing I could see was a faded white box in the corner of wherever I was. It was lying sideways like a shelter. I could move if I wasn’t terrified that it would kill me. My head beating, my body aching, but I didn’t know why. Moments passed without any sounds — the room was still and my short breaths hurt my chest.
People say that you can hear your heartbeat if the room is quiet enough, if your breath is at the perfect density. I could only hear my shaky breaths. Now that I think of it, maybe it wasn’t mine.
After another minute or two, a loud bang rang through my ears so loud you would think there wasn’t a sound at all. There were many small thumps after that, growing closer. My heart began beating more constantly, and the pain in my legs burned when I tried standing up. Then thumps grew quicker, louder.
I forced my arms to drag me across the floor to the box I had noticed earlier. My triceps were beaten and my fingertips gripped to the cold tile, which had small pieces of crumbs scattered left and right. As I dragged myself across the floor, the thumps increased. He knew where I was.
I started moving faster — aching all over. I felt a tear run down my face, leaving a wet streak on the side of my cheek. I was a few inches away from the box, reaching my hand out to grab the side. Maybe I could pull myself to it; though, right as I touched the side of the box, then the thumps stopped.
My heart dropped, sending a mist of dizziness and sickness throughout my body. I wanted to turn around but didn’t at the same time. I moved myself into the box slowly, hoping he hadn’t seen me. I was wrong. I looked up slowly to find him standing over me, watching me. I went deeper into the box even though there wasn’t any room left and closed my eyes.
Madeline Stoddard • Oct 30, 2024 at 5:42 pm
Wow, this story truly shows how much you’ve grown as a writer! This is incredible work. Your words pulled me right into the scene—I could feel the tension and even hear those growing thumps. That line about hearing the heartbeat and breaths, maybe it wasn’t mine, gave me chills! You’ve created such a strong, suspenseful atmosphere, and I can tell you put a lot of thought into every detail. Keep up the fantastic storytelling!
Madeline Kenney • Oct 30, 2024 at 8:23 am
Lexi truly paints a picture in the readers mind. The way she portrays her fear in the story , really resonates with me. Great job Lexi!
Bella • Oct 29, 2024 at 9:13 pm
Great Story Lexi! It’s very well written, Interesting, and sure is spooky. Amazing vocabulary and really putting every thing into great detail!! Overall, amazing short story.
Love, Bella❤️
Nonna Stansbury • Oct 29, 2024 at 9:10 pm
Lexi this has got me so intensely scared.
I actually feel and can see every action you described. You know how I love scary movies You have definitely succeeded in wanting me to know this ends!
And most of all I would love to see this in the movies You certainly have a winner here Lexi !
Rich Zappala • Oct 29, 2024 at 9:07 pm
Wow Lexi!! That’s one spooky short story. Very well written, and very descriptive. I was hoping that everything was going to turn out alright at the end, but I guess we’ll never know. I like that you kept the reader hanging on until the end, only to allow them to draw their own conclusion. Very Soprano-esque. You are a talented writer and keep em coming!!
Love Uncle Richie
Nicole Kelley • Oct 29, 2024 at 1:10 pm
Wow! This description sets the scene for an intense event that is occurring. The story gives enough vivid sensory detail to “take you there” but leaves plenty of space for the reader to interact with the narrator through imagination. I’m going to spend the rest of the day wondering how it all turned out!
Nancy Barrer • Oct 29, 2024 at 12:43 pm
This story is terrifying! It really gets the imagination running wild! Would love to see more from this writer!
Andrew Barrer • Oct 29, 2024 at 12:35 pm
This is an electrifying short story! Incredibly evocative imagery, but also a demonstration of the power of addition by subtraction. The writer understands that sometimes the scariest things are the things we don’t see. Well done!
James • Oct 29, 2024 at 12:26 pm
Your writing, like you, surprises with so many facets and rich in content and character:))Artist and scholar— oh and your sporty too!
Greg C • Oct 29, 2024 at 12:18 pm
I love this, Lexi! The struggle to find and get to light when in darkness is very relatable. Real life and well written!
Riley Wright • Oct 29, 2024 at 12:11 pm
Such a well written and captivating story!! So proud of you Lexi. You are amazing and can’t wait to see you continue to grow
Lisa • Oct 29, 2024 at 11:58 am
Incredible work Lexi! We are so proud of you.